


Things Most Feared

by Mysticeyes2987



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, F/M, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:13:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25538593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mysticeyes2987/pseuds/Mysticeyes2987
Summary: For Sirius it was just an average day in the Defense of the Dark Arts. Just a normal lesson, until it wasn't.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 80





	Things Most Feared

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! I know Slughorn was the Potions teacher, but seeing as I couldn't figure out who taught the DADA class in the Marauder's third year, I'm pretending that Slughorn is subbing for the regular teacher. 
> 
> Please feel free to comment below.

“Boggarts.”

Sirius sat up a little straighter, his face going blank as Professor Slughorn continued to drone on about the dark creature and how they might be able to defend themselves against it. But he didn’t hear any of it. His eyes were locked onto the wardrobe that was rattling faintly. 

“Hey Pads, you alright mate?” James asked, leaning in so that Sirius could hear his barely uttered whisper. Remus and Peter were looking at him, concern in their eyes. Remus though… Remus had concern etched into every single line of his scarred face. Like he knew the fear flashing through Sirius’ head. But he didn’t, couldn’t. Sirius had been so careful to make sure that none of his mates knew what happened outside of Hogwarts. 

“’Course I am.” Sirius’ expression melted into its usual mischievous smirk. “I’m just thinking about what old Snivellus is afraid of. Soap perhaps?” James, seeing the smile, breathed a sigh of relief. He leaned back into his normal seat chuckling with Peter. Remus just smirked and shook his head. 

“Make sure he practices first. That way we can remind him of it later.” Peter whispered, snorting behind a hand to hide the sound. But even as his friends, his brothers continued to whisper snide remarks about Snape’s filthiness, Sirius couldn’t quite quell the rush of nausea in his stomach. He had seen boggarts before, dealt with them in fact. And having one here and now was not something he wanted to deal with. Not with everyone watching. He didn’t care about what rumors would rise with the realization; his family hated him already. But his mates….

The class continued in a blur as they lined up before the shifting wardrobe. The Marauders were pleased that yes, Severus Snape was indeed ahead of them in line. But the walls blurred to smears of color, the sounds of the boggart and classmates alike were washed away by the roar in his ears. He laughed with the class, plastering a smile to his face. But the tight ball of nerves in the pit of his stomach tightened with every step toward the front of the room. James was ahead of him, then Peter. And with one last chuckle he moved to the front of the line. 

Sirius tried to focus, tried to picture something, anything than the gnawing fear in his throat. Slughorn smiled, pleased that he was next. He could do this. It wasn’t real. All he had to do was imagine something funny. He could do that. He was a Marauder for Merlin’s sake. 

  
The turning of the lock sounded like a bomb, echoing off the walls as the door sprung open.   
  


Sirius felt the blood drain away from his face, the fear in his throat now choking him as he braced for the pain he knew would come. He didn’t hear the collective of gasps of the class behind him, nor did he care. All he saw were the cold blue grey eyes of the woman who had birthed him. 

Walburga Black stepped from the closet, walking slowly toward him in the same leisurely pace. She couldn’t be here. He knew it wasn’t real and yet-

“Sirius Orion Black.” Her voice was like knives in his veins, chilling him until his entire body felt numb with fear. Instead of its usual shrill, her voice was calm and collected. And somehow that was worse. 

“How dare you stand before me like this. Mingling with Mudbloods, with blood traitors and filthy half breeds.” Her eyes flicked over his shoulder and Sirius could hear the soft intake of breath from behind him. No…. He could fight this. He could-

Her voice rose. 

“I raised you better than this! How dare you turn your back on this family! You vile, wretched, evil disgrace of a son. You shame the Black name. I wish you had never been born! At least then we wouldn’t have to live with your filth tarnishing the name of your brother. Do you even realize how much harder he has to work now because of you?!” 

He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move. His hands were tingling, his legs threatening to collapse beneath the weight of her words. 

“It’s all your fault that he-“ 

“ _ Riddikulus _ !”

The spell came from somewhere behind him; the hesitant laughter was just enough for the dark creature to be pushed back into the wardrobe. But even in the dead silence he couldn’t move, couldn’t think. 

They knew. It didn’t matter what he said or did there was no way he could play this off. He was afraid to turn around, afraid what he would see in their faces. And as much as he tried to move, to do something, his body refused to obey the commands he internally roared at them. The air was thin, the walls too close. And finally, after what seemed like eternity, the darkness took him. 

\----------

The medical wing was dark when he awoke. The silence rang in his ears, making it impossible to hear anything else. He wanted to fall back into oblivion. At least then the crushing weight of guilt, shame and embarrassment wouldn’t be immobilizing him. Thoughts ran through his head too quickly to understand. He only caught the faintest of snippets. 

_ …disgrace….wrong… _

_ ….embarrassment…. _

_ ….just die…. _

The sudden touch of hot skin against his frozen hand made him jolt, the action causing the bed frame to slam against the stone wall behind it. His hand had moved out of the heated grip, rising to hover in front of his face. It was a pathetic shield, but it was a shield none the less. 

“Padfoot?” It was only then that Sirius realized the thoughts he had heard weren’t his, but the spoken words of his best friends. His hand slowly lowered, and it was only by the dim light of a wand that he saw the three faces beside his bed. The shadows had aged them, their expressions more solemn than he ever remembered seeing before.

“How bad?” He asked softly, looking to James then Peter. He couldn’t bear to look at Remus. “How bad was it?” They were silent for a long moment, James and Peter exchanging glances, and it was enough to snap his already frayed nerves. “Tell me!” 

“No one said anything.” James answered almost too quickly, the words stumbling over themselves to leave his mouth. “The class ended and as far as we know, no one has said anything.”

“Not that they would.” Peter murmured softly. “What could they say, really? Against a family like that?” 

“Enough.” Remus responded, the word snapping like a whip. “If you’re not going to help then go back to the common room.” 

The too warm hand returned, and Sirius had no choice but to look at Remus. The weak light of James’ wand made the scars on his neck and chin move, their severity looking even more grotesque than ever before. He knew that he had stepped in front of Remus to hopefully prevent him from having to face the boggart. Because if Moony’s secret got out…

“I’m sure that Dumbledore will speak with them-” Remus started, but Sirius cut him off. 

“You don’t get it, Remus! None of you understand what it’s like.” His hands covered his face and he leaned forward until his hair (now shoulder length) fell forward like a curtain. “Just leave me alone. Just go away, I don’t want you here.” The bed dipped with another weight and he felt warm arms wrap around him.

“We aren’t leaving you here alone, Sirius.” James’ voice whispered in his ear, through the ebony strands. “Not now, not ever. You’re stuck with us. Forever, mate.” 

In that moment, as much as he tried to hold it, the dam broke; shattering against the pressure of the truth that they now knew. No more passing off the sleepless nights as restlessness, no more denying the fact he had nightmares. No, now they knew everything. And yet they were still here. 

Moisture hit his fingers once, twice and again. They were staying. His friends, his brothers in all but blood were staying with him. No matter what. And that…. 

Sirius had never been more relieved.


End file.
